How shame stops us from being ourselves

I want to share what's been happening for me the last few days, as I think it's a great example of how shame can hold us back and stop us being ourselves.

So on Friday bookings closed for the 'Living life on your own terms' online experience, and I had no bookings. Disaster? Well yes and no. In the past this would have been a disaster, and I would have handled it by pretending it never happened, not mentioning it again (especially to you) and filing away all the wonderful material I created because clearly 'nobody wants it'. Worst of all I would make it mean that there 'must be something wrong with me', 'Nobody gets it' and end up feeling embarrassed and ashamed.

The feeling of shame can be debilitating. It's so uncomfortable that it convinces us that there is something terribly wrong with us and if people found out who we really are they wouldn't want to know us. I know this is hard to read, and the fact that you feel uncomfortable makes you human. Shame is part of being a thinking, feeling human being.

So rather than going into hiding after bookings closed, I took the dog for a walk and shot a little video on my Instagram being up front and honest about where things were at with the online experience. Rather than feeling ashamed, I didn't make it mean anything about me or my work. There could be a million reasons why nobody has booked yet, and I say yet because this is not the end of the line. Sharing that 2 minute bit of honesty made a connection with people. People got it. Everyone knows what it feels to be disappointed, to have something that doesn't go to plan. If I had gone into my shame hole, I would have missed out on a chance to connect with people and share my plan B.

So if there is something you feel ashamed about, please don't keep it to yourself. Shame thrives on secrecy (check out the biggest shame researcher Brene Brown's work). Own up to it with someone you trust. Get it off your chest. I guarantee you are not alone, even if you think you're the most shameful person ever - you're not that special ;) In the last week, I've had a good little dig around in my shame den, seeing it for what is is and not allowing it to stop me being me. Because it's very hard to feel free and do the things you want to do when you're carrying a big rucksack of shame on your back. So please lighten the load.