Better the devil you know

I’ve had a few conversations this week that have reminded me of how common it is for us to stay stuck in ways of being, feeling, thinking that we know aren’t good for us (logically), but we just can’t seem to change.

I’m sure you can relate - because this is so human.

Maybe you have great ideas you want to get out into the world, and you have imagined so many times how you would do that, and yet when it comes to taking those steps you get distracted, busy, there never seems to be time.

Maybe you keep beating yourself up over mistakes you made, even though you want to be kinder and more compassionate with yourself, but that critical voice just keeps playing on repeat.

Maybe there’s opportunities that come up at work, that you know you are totally capable of doing, but you talk yourself out of it. Hold yourself back.

Maybe there’s a group you want to join. They seem so much fun, and you ache with the longing to be part of it, but just can’t bring yourself to sign up.

You’re stuck.

It’s painful.

But it’s familiar.

Almost comfortably uncomfortable.

Better the devil you know eh?….

I want you to understand something….

This is not ‘self-sabotage’.

There is a very good, physical reason for this stuckness.

You’re body is in ‘freeze’ mode.

I know you’ve probably heard of the stress responses of ‘fight’ ‘flight’ ‘freeze’.

Fight and flight get quite a bit of attention - hypervigilant, anxious, busy, busy, busy.

But freeze is a sneaky little one, AND is prolific in our busy society.

When our nervous system is in freeze mode (technically the dorsal vagal branch of our parasympathetic nervous system) we are in shutdown mode. We are in survival mode. It’s only concern is to keep us safe.

Freeze says..

‘Let’s lie low’

‘Don’t make a sound’

‘Keep your head down’

‘Stay small, be safe’

So when you start applying for that job, or write that blog post, or sign up to that new group, your nervous system is like ‘WTF’ ‘Danger, Danger!’

Logically you know there’s no ‘danger’, but humans are not driven by logic!

We are driven by our biology, and our unconscious patterns that are wired into our nervous system. Yes, your thoughts are speaking from the fibres of your body.

So, of course I get asked ‘but how do I change that???!’

By slowly giving ourselves the experience of safety in the present moment.

Over and over again.

If you’ve been living in ‘freeze’ mode for a long time, maybe a lifetime, your body will register feeling safe as scary and unfamiliar at first. Sounds like a paradox, I know, but remember we are not working with logic here, we are speaking to the unconscious patterns wired into our nervous system.

With practice, we can thaw the freeze.

We can take those small steps and free up the grips of stuckness that we feel.

We can start to feel safe again.

Safe enough to do the things we know are good for us.

Safe enough to go after the things we long for.

Safe enough to handle the discomfort of trying something new.

Safe enough to live our lives as fully as we wish.

I would love to support you with getting unstuck and help you feel free to be yourself again. If this feels like you and you would like to chat, book in a call with me here