Do someone a favour and tell them how you feel...

I was chatting this morning with someone I love very much. She's young and has been feeling all the feelings of being in lockdown these past few months. There have been more tears than usual, feelings of hopelessness and she's lost structure to her day. She said to me 'Why don't other people feel like this? None of my friends seem to be as emotional as I am'.

Now, I have been talking a lot about emotions in my last few letters, and I am pretty sure (no, in fact, I know) that everyone has the capacity within them to experience ALL emotions. Whether we are aware of them, and then able to express them is another thing.

So I said to her 'Just because they are not telling you, doesn't mean they are not feeling things' and 'maybe they don't know how to tell you, maybe they don't have the words or the courage'. It takes courage to be honest about how we feel. It takes vulnerability and trust to share that with someone else. It also takes courage and vulnerability to allow ourselves to feel our emotions for ourselves.

In a world where 'positive' emotions are more favourable and acceptable, it can be hard to firstly allow ourselves to experience the emotions we don't like so much, and even harder to express them to others. We are not taught what to do with these emotions. They're big and ugly and scary, so we push them away, distract ourselves from them or sit alone with them.

Something I have learned, and continue to learn is that the only way to get to the other side of the ugly emotions is to walk through them. Face them, really be with the feeling of them, and let them flow through me.

Brene Brown says ' We can't selectively numb our emotions. If we numb our pain, then we numb our joy too'.

So I say to my little loved one. 'The sooner we can cry, the sooner we can smile again'. And she did. She cried and then she laughed. Her body was lighter. She was reassured there is nothing 'wrong' with her, and that actually the way she is processing all of this is really healthy. Maybe by being honest with her friends, she will give them permission to be honest too.

So whatever you're feeling, allow it to be there, don't push it away. Let it rise and fall like a wave. It will pass. And if you're feeling extra brave share it with someone else, it might be just what they need to hear to allow them to feel reassured they are human too.