The gap between 'knowing' and 'feeling'

There is a gap between 'knowing' and 'feeling'.

We know what it feels like to be grateful, joyful, happy and when things are going well it's easy to experience those feelings. But what about when we are stressed and there are a million demands on us, how easy is it to feel them then?

The gap is the space between the knowledge in your brain and the experience in your body. When they are on a different page and not having the same conversation, we feel in conflict with ourselves.

Here's an example you might relate to....

Everything is going fine. Your family are well. You have money coming in, a roof over your head and friends. You're a good person, living a good life. People say 'be grateful for the little things', 'so many people are suffering in the world'. You know that's true, you're brain believes it. But you don't really 'feel' it. You don't deeply appreciate all that's around you. You don't get up in the morning and think 'Wow, I'm alive'. Instead you drag yourself downstairs, eat your breakfast and scroll through your phone.

There is a gap between what you 'know' and how you 'feel'. So you feel bad about it. You tell yourself 'I should be more grateful, my life is good.' 'I should have more patience with my kids'. 'There must be something wrong with me'.

I want you to know THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

Let me explain what is going on here....

Our brain and nervous system is wired to what's wrong! You may have heard of our negativity bias. Humans are wired for survival, and so our bodies are always on alert looking for signs of threat and danger. Combine this with a society that bombards us with images of 'how to live your best life', and that we should be happy all the time, then it's no wonder we feel conflicted. We feel guilty that we're not 'feeling it', pretend everything is fine and use positivity to get us through. Sadly, capitalism profits off this gap, selling us the idea that if we buy all the things and do all the things then we will be happy.

The good news is that humans are also wired for connection, pleasure and joy! This stuff is the antidote to the frustration of the gap. When I say connection - I mean really knowing and trusting ourselves, and having that feeling of knowing and trusting others. When I say pleasure and joy - I mean that natural, spontaneous, wholesome warm feeling that can come from the most subtle and simple everyday moments. This stuff is the antidote to the 'what's wrong' attention, and if we can proactively train our bodies to feel more of this, then we go from 'knowing' how we want to feel to actually feeling it. Boom!

This may sound simple, but for many of us can take some time and dedication, and this is such a big part of what I support my clients to do. With an understanding of how our human system works, and some regular practice, we can become more of who we know we really are. When we can naturally experience connection, joy and pleasure in even the most mundane and ordinary, then nothing can take that away from us. I can tell you from my own experience, that life can be pretty magical when we our bodies feel what we know.

So if you are relating to this, and are ready to go from knowing how you want to feel to actually living it, I would love to chat with you.........

I am opening up spaces for 1-1 coaching with me over the next 3 months so that you can increase your capacity for joy. I have a ton of ways to support you to befriend yourself and allow yourself to experience more joy in your life. I know from personal and professional experience that this can take time. We need to unlearn and heal old patterns of pain that are stuck in our system and gently rewire our body and mind to enjoy who we are and the world around us. If you're here for that (I know I am!), then you can book in a 'getting to know each other' call, where we can chat and decide if working together would be a good thing for you.