The cost of not living life on your own terms

In my 20’s I did the things I thought I should do, I went along with what people around me did and became the person I thought they wanted me to be. I didn’t recognise this at the time, I thought that everyone was juggling a ‘work’ persona, ‘the fun friend’ persona, ‘the good daughter’ persona and the ‘at home’ persona. I didn’t know there was any other way to be. I worked hard, partied hard and had lots of fun. But it definitely came at a price. It was bloody exhausting!

I would come home from work with headaches from keeping the ‘professional’ persona up all day. I would drink too much at the weekend and feel paranoid, anxious and have panic attacks. I abandoned some of my talents and creativity because I didn’t think I was cool enough. And I kept my positive attitude on display at all times, because I didn’t know how to show any other side of me.

Until it got to the point where I was so far away from myself that I couldn’t stand it any longer. The people pleasing had to stop. Which resulted in me leaving my worthy, steady job as a drug and alcohol support worker to become a holiday rep in Mallorca! Yeah kind of a quarter life crisis 😁 But for the first time I made a decision to do something that I really wanted to do, and to risk being seen as frivolous, irresponsible or selfish. (And actually nobody who loved me ever said that, even if they thought it..)

So when I talk about living life on your own terms, I don’t mean you have to do anything as extreme as jacking in your job and become a holiday rep. It’s about living a life that’s true to who you are, what matters to you and one that doesn’t cost you your happiness and well-being. It’s not about being controversial or rebellious, it’s about making conscious decisions regardless of what others might think. It takes courage and commitment.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash