Why do our old habits keep pulling us back?

I was chatting with a client this week, and we were talking about the process of self-development (or self-discovery as I call it).

'As soon as I feel that I'm making progress with something, I feel like a take 5 steps back, like I'm back in my old ways again'.

This can be really frustrating for us when we are trying to break free from old patterns or habits.

The truth is, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. In fact, it probably means that you're doing something very right.

As we become more self-aware and notice how we feel, think and act, we become more connected and conscious of ourselves. The habits, patterns, inner voices were always there, but we just weren't aware of them.

Also when we try new things, our old patterns/habits/voices can come back strong! They don't want us to change and take risks, they want us to stay in the familiar and safe. If we understand that these old ways, however unhelpful or annoying they seem, helped us cope and even survive at some point, then we can change our relationship with them.

Instead of trying to 'get rid' of the parts of us we don't like, we offer them a seat at the table. We acknowledge and recognise them for what they are and thank them for how they got us this far.

AND - we don't let them run the show anymore. We reassure them that we have new and better ways of doing things now, and it is safe for us to use them.

Think of these 'old ways' like an old friend you've outgrown. They don't want you leaving them behind and riding off into the sunset all shiny and bright. They want you to stay small and safe with them. But we have to outgrow things and people along the way. It doesn't mean that we hate them, we just don't want them running our show.