Are you feeling bad about feeling bad?

Every Monday at 12pm I host a live meditation on my Instagram page - Meditation Monday. Each week we do a different type of meditation and this usually comes from things that have been coming up for me or the people around me, as a way to support us.

This week, we practised a self-compassion meditation. I felt we needed this, as I have noticed lately in myself and others a lot of 'comparative suffering'. Basically, comparing my worries/feelings/pain to others and then ranking them as who is worse off. For me, when I've been having a bad day, feeling low/sad/anxious, I have been giving myself a hard time about it. Telling myself that other people are far worse off than I am and I should get a grip and be grateful and so I end up shaming myself about my own feelings and then feel bad about feeling bad! Yeah - crazy isn't it. I'm sure you know what I mean though...

I was listening to Brene Brown's podcast last week (you should check it out, and all her books and talks.... she is awesome). She was talking about this 'comparative suffering', and how it creates shame within us. When we feel shame, we go completely inwards, which means it's hard for us to have empathy and be able to listen and support others. So by feeling bad about feeling bad and comparing our own worries to other people's, it takes us away from them (which is the exact opposite of what we want).

So the antidote to this shame is compassion and empathy. Self compassion is the place to start. That's why we did a self-compassion meditation this Monday. By practising self-compassion we create more of it, we top up our tank and so we have more to share with others. By taking a look at our own feelings first, acknowledging them and giving ourselves a bit of TLC rather than beating ourselves us, we are in a much better place to have empathy with others who are suffering too.

So how can we stop feeling bad about feeling bad?

First of all - accept it. Whatever you feel is valid don't push it away, don't try to put a positive spin on it. Say it out loud - 'I am feeling.......... right now'. 'This feels hard'. Talk it through with someone you trust, and let them know that you feel shame about this.

Give yourself the space you need, and do something that comforts and soothes you - just like you would with a friend or child that was suffering.

Notice, when the shame lifts and start to feel better. Are you now able to reach out and support someone else? Maybe by checking in on them, listening to them, or helping in whatever way you can?

We think that if we pour kindness into ourselves, that the kindness tank will be empty and we will have nothing left for anyone else, but so much research shows us that this is false. In fact it's the opposite - kindness, compassion and empathy breeds more kindness, compassion and empathy.

Do yourself and everyone around you a favour and stop the shame and blame game. Put the stick down and give yourself a self-compassion break. You can watch back this week meditation over on my Instagram page here.

PS - Feeling bad about feeling bad robs us of our joy. It stops us really feeling alive. My new 'online experience - Living life on your own terms' is where I will be supporting a small group of people to feel more alive, doing things that truly make them happy. I am now taking bookings for this 4 week experience. So if that's something that interests you, take a look here and book your place.

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash