Are you feeling socially awkward?

Well this is a bit awkward isn’t it?!

But my rule of writing is - if I’m thinking it, then so is somebody else, (and the fact you’ve opened this letter means it’s speaking to you in some way too).

Us humans are funny creatures, aren’t we? We are social animals, destined to live in tribes, longing for connection and a sense of belonging and yet are shit scared of each other much of the time!

What is it about being with others that can be so deeply satisfying and also utterly frustrating?

That other humans can be a source of so much joy and also so much pain.

That they can inspire and uplift us and also tear us down.

That we want to run towards them with our arms wide open, but heaven forbid they come too close to our hearts.

Something that came up with a client recently was this inner conflict - they desperately wanted to be closer to their friends, and at the same time terrified of getting rejected.

‘What if they don’t want to spend as much time with me as I do with them?’

‘What if I realise we don’t have as much in common as I thought?’

‘It just feels awkward to put myself out there in this way'.’

Through our conversation it became clear why she would have this conflict. Like many of us, she had been hurt by important people in her life. It makes sense that we are cautious of who we give our hearts too. Our body remembers (even when our mind doesn’t), and it’s intelligent, it wants to protect us.

So how do we strike a balance between protection and connection?

Practicing discernment.

Practicing building a relationship with our wise self.

Practicing slowing down and pausing enough to listen to what the intelligence of the body wants us to know.

Practicing asking ourselves - ‘Is this person someone I really want to connect with?’

Practicing taking small steps to open ourselves up to others.

Practicing noticing how we behave around others and does it feel good.

Practicing saying no, and knowing when we want distance from others.

This is not easy stuff if we’ve been wired to protect ourselves from others, but learning this stuff allows us to really enjoy being with the people we actually want to be with and to let go of the people we don’t.

There is so much joy and liberation in this, and I love seeing my clients going from thinking that they are ‘socially awkward’ to knowing that they are ‘socially sensitive’, which I think is a bloody superpower!

So, from one socially sensitive creature to another I would love to support you to build your discernment muscle when it comes to relationships. I really believe that it’s something we don’t get taught as children, but what a skill to learn now as an adult :)

I have 3 month and 6 months coaching experiences available now and you can book in for a chat to find out more right here.