It's not pain we fear, it's joy.....

Have you ever started feeling good about something, like REALLY good, and before you know it, your mind has quickly hijacked you with doubt. Stealing the sunshine like the good vibes police?!

Have you ever had the experience of feeling so elated, like the world was a wonderful place and life was a miracle? You felt so high, the intensity of the emotion was rushing through your body, then out of nowhere a feeling of overwhelm bubbled up and you burst into tears.

One Saturday morning in November 2016, I had this exact experience. My partner and I went to our first morning rave in London. We were greeted at the door by a man in a white coat who wanted to inject our heart with love via a giant inflatable syringe (stay with me...). It was 7am in Notting Hill, and we entered the venue to find a colourful and sparkly group of people dancing to house music with reckless abandon. No booze, no drugs.

I was like, ‘Where have these people been all my life???’ I remember that feeling of pure wonder at seeing people who were willing to go all in on their joy. To not allow the good vibes police to steal their sunshine. It was as if it woke up a part of me that had been dead for a while and I felt alive! Within minutes I was holding back the tears. Overwhelm had kicked in - I could not tolerate such intense feelings of joy. Why???

System overload!

We think that we need to build 'resilience' to the tough stuff in life. We fear sadness, anxiety, pain. But actually most of us have been through some pretty painful stuff in life and we survived - more than survived, you're a functioning adult right..

Our system (nervous system, heart and brain) is wired to pain, to notice 'what's wrong'. It has a negative bias. It's our survival mechanism. It's our baseline. So we hang out there. Even if it's uncomfortable, at least it's familiar. It's safe.

We are sceptical of those joyful, blissful feelings. They are reserved and kept for the 'Wow moments', like that special outfit. Maybe we even think that those elevated, feel good vibes are not for us, they are for other people, the 'positive' people.

If you want to 'build your resilience', start by building your capacity for joy.

• Start by noticing the ordinary - when nothing is wrong, it's not even 'wow', it's just neutral.

• Sit still and notice if there is anything comfortable or even pleasurable happening in your body right now. Pause on it, feel it. Dare I say, enjoy it.

• When you eat something delicious, savour it.

• When you hear a song your love, turn it up.

• When someone gives you a compliment - look them in the eye, smile and say 'thanks'.

• Notice the absence of pain - 'my back doesn't hurt today' - 'Wow that feels good'.

If we have a system that's been wired to pain (and most of us have), we need to start small with the good vibes, or we will tip into overload.

Set yourself a little 'pleasure hunt' each day. Look for what's ordinary, comfortable, enjoyable, pleasurable. Allow yourself to pause and feel it, savour it.

This is how we build our resilience.

PS - If you're interested in morning raving, check out Morning Gloryville, which led me to create my very own Soulful Sunrise :)