Kindness for our Mental Health

I wanted to share some of my thoughts with you on the subject of ‘kindness’ in relation to mental health. It feels like this word is being used a lot now, which is a very lovely thing. It’s something I talk about in the classroom with students, in workplaces and at my events. We do random acts of kindness, and I’ve even sent you on a secret kindness mission! (How did it go by the way??)

Recently, I have seen several people close to me struggling to cope with a loved one who has poor mental health. It’s been hard to see them sad, confused, helpless and the impact that’s had on their own health and happiness too. It’s reminded me of times where I have felt the same when my own family have been mentally unwell. Where I would swing between wanting to support them and show kindness, and wanting to walk away out of despair.
In the last month I have felt an increasing sense of people opening up and talking about mental health issues. With Mental health awareness week, the Heads Together campaign run by the royals, and lots of high profile people speaking out about their own struggles, this really is a great step forward in us starting to be more human and real with each other.

As someone who hasn’t suffered with a mental illness, I can’t know what it’s like to experience it. I have suffered bouts of anxiety and panic attacks in the past, but I would not describe it as an illness, and I’m grateful for the health that I have and the resources to take care of it and I know that I am in no way immune to becoming unwell just like anybody else.

Something that I can talk about from personal experience, and something I feel is getting missed is the wider impact of mental health issues. Having watched two siblings loose their lives to mental illness, and experiencing the worry, pain and guilt that comes with that, I feel like my job is to reach out to those that are affected by someone’s poor mental health. So this is for you if you know, love, care for, work with someone struggling with their mental health. (That’s probably a lot of us right?). I certainly don’t have all the answers, but here are some things I want you to know…..

You are not responsible for someone elses happiness
When my brother and sister were ill, I used to feel so guilty about being happy and having a good life. If I did something really nice I wouldn’t tell them about it because I knew how unhappy they were and worried it would make them feel worse. I realised that whatever I said or didn’t say I couldn’t ‘make’ them happy, and it wasn’t my job to do that either. My job was to be a loving and supportive sister, and to help them in the best way I could without neglecting my own happiness. This can be really tough, when all you want is for the people you love to be happy and well, but just reminding yourself that just as you are responsible for your own happiness, so is everyone else too. Our job is to be the person that we want to be, and show up for the people that we love in the best way we can. There’s a great video of Will Smith talking about this here. He sums it up perfectly!

Be kind (to yourself too)
Which leads us back to ‘kindness’. I have been brought up to believe that kindness is something you show towards others, by treating them well and doing kind things. I don’t think I had ever considered being kind towards myself until well into my 30’s! When someone is struggling with their mental health, it can be tiring, frustrating and sometimes really annoying for us (as I write this I feel a pang of guilt saying it). As much as we love them and feel empathy for the pain their going through, at the same time it can be hard to maintain the energy and kindness too (we are human after all). So kindness has to start with ourselves. This takes courage, because if like me you’ve been brought up to put others first it’s going to take a bit of work! One way to get the ball rolling is to ask yourself ‘what would I want for a good friend right now?’, I find the advice I would give a good friend is just what I need for myself.

So, I hope you can relate to this in some way, as there is no ‘them and us’ when it comes to mental health problems, we all have a mind, body and soul that needs a bit of maintenance. Something I say to myself to remind me is….

‘Be honest. Be silly. Be kind’

It kind of puts things in perspective